Beyond the Diagnosis - So what happens now?

Written by Gillian

It was the last day of my radiotherapy – I had been doing this every weekday for the last two weeks. I had been looking forward to this day for more than six months, ever since I had received my stage 3 breast cancer diagnosis. 

My surgery, chemotherapy and finally radiotherapy were finished, and I was changing into my everyday clothes in the small and depressingly colourless hospital cubicle.

The radiotherapy technician popped his head around the door and cheerfully said “Well, Gillian, are you going to ring the bell, to celebrate that you are now cancer free?”

I had seen many people ring the bell during my treatment visits to the hospital and remember feeling happy for them.

I didn’t really think that my cancer journey was over. I might be free from the disease, but I would never be free from the changes that had forced me to rethink my life and the values that were now so meaningless to me.

“All I felt was fear and the conviction that nobody could know that the cancer had gone… how could they?”

I was put on long-term medication, as there was a 50% chance that my cancer could return, and was told to just get on with my life, but I felt empty, injured and emotionally spent, so how could I just pick up the pieces?

I thought, “Well, what happens now?” – I didn’t know how to fix this, and I didn’t know how much more I could cope with before I shattered into pieces. I felt that I did need to be with people who could lift my spirit and advise me how I could live with the changes that are the new me.

I struggled to find what I was looking for and felt very alone and miserable. While having coffee one morning, one of my friends told us about a small charity she was going to and said that I should give it a try. That is how I came to Live Well with Cancer.

I phoned up and was invited to come in for a cuppa and a chat with Maureen. I wasn’t very hopeful. After all, I didn’t know myself what I wanted, or needed. I just knew that I needed something.

I met Maureen, the charity’s founder and CEO, and she assured me that I was not alone in feeling the way I did. In fact, it was one of the reasons she had founded the charity.

I decided to come to the Breast Cancer Support Group and quickly discovered that I was not alone. I felt very much at home there. I was told about the various meetings and groups that I could join and decided to give it a try.

I joined the craft group, with an open mind and no expectations. What I found was a safe place to talk, laugh, cry and be with good friends who know exactly what I am about. We discuss everything and anything, whilst creating wonderful things.

I have learned many new crafts, and renewed my love of crocheting, knitting and sewing, and I do all this safe with the knowledge that these lovely folk have my back.

I still have a future to look forward to. I have not been beaten, but I am not the person I was. I have been changed by my experiences, hopefully in a better way, and feel stronger and perhaps able to offer support and understanding to others going through the same experienced I did.

Viva Maureen and viva Live Well with Cancer for listening to me.